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German “smart gun” manufacturer Armatix is announcing a new, updated version of their design now chambered for 9mm Luger.

“Our economy is on life support. Healthcare is an utter failure. Our schools have never been worse. You can see the despair in every parent’s eyes,” said NRA Exec. Vice President Wayne LaPierre.

“But there is no doubt that I respect the second amendment,” said Clinton. “That I also believe there is an individual right to bear arms.

Movie stars Michael Douglas and Alec Baldwin have put their support behind a new, anti-NRA documentary titled, “Making A Killing: Guns, Greed And The NRA.”

A Connecticut judge last week threw out a lawsuit brought against Remington Arms Company by the families of those killed in the Sandy Hook massacre in 2012.

“The idea that you can have an open carry permit with an AK-47 over your shoulder walking up and down the aisles of a supermarket is just despicable,” said Clinton.

“You try to come in through this door, I’m gonna shoot you,” Noggle said he told his neighbor. “He said, “Yeah, where’s the gun?’ and I picked it up. I said, ‘This is the gun and you’re gonna get shot.'”

The Center for American Progress released a study last week that suggests a link between “tough” gun laws and a reduction in “gun violence.”

“If our elected leaders are really concerned about protecting Americans from violence, they should start with armed and dangerous toddlers,” said Dan Gross, President of the Brady Campaign.