Sometimes the most powerful arguments come from the least expected places—like a stand-up comedy set. In a hilarious bit, Dave Chappelle tells the story of buying his first gun. But beneath the laughter, there’s a deeply relatable, no-BS case for the Second Amendment.
Colion Noir caught this moment and went all in, breaking down the stand-up segment in a way only he can—sharp, real, and unapologetically pro-2A.
Let’s unpack what Chappelle said, what Noir pulled from it, and why it might be one of the most honest takes on gun ownership you’ll ever hear.
Table of contents
- “I hate guns personally… yeah, but I have several.”
- “What the [ __ ] is this guy doing on my property?”
- “I ended up just waving to this [ __ ] like a [ __ ]”
- Birdshot vs. Buckshot (or: Do You Have a Box with a White Dude Trespassing On It?)
- You Don’t Have to Love Guns. But You Need to Understand Them.
- Final Thoughts: Even Comedy Can Be a Weapon for Truth
“I hate guns personally… yeah, but I have several.”
Right out of the gate, Chappelle hits us with that perfect contradiction. He says, “I hate guns personally. I can’t stand them. Yeah, but I have several.”
That line floored Noir—not because it’s clever (though it is), but because it mirrors the truth for many Americans. As Noir explains, “Owning guns reluctantly because others have them and personal safety demands it.”
You don’t need to like guns to own one. You just need to want to stay alive when someone else doesn’t care about your safety. Chappelle nailed that without even trying.
“What the [ __ ] is this guy doing on my property?”
Then comes the moment of fear. Chappelle recalls sitting on his porch and seeing a white guy with a rifle casually strolling across his land.
“I said, ‘What the [ __ ] is this guy doing on my property?’ I was mad as [ __ ].”
Colion Noir doesn’t downplay it: “Nothing will turn you into a gun owner faster than feeling vulnerable.” And that’s it. That’s the real story behind so many Americans buying their first firearm. Not ideology. Not machismo. Just fear and the gut realization: “I am not safe right now.”
“I ended up just waving to this [ __ ] like a [ __ ]”
Because he was unarmed, Chappelle says all he could do was wave like a coward. “As soon as he got far enough away, I ran to my car and sped to Kmart.”
It’s funny because it’s ridiculous—but it’s also raw. Noir highlights the real emotion behind that dash to the gun counter: panic. Urgency. Self-preservation. Not bravado.
And in that gun aisle, Chappelle gets hit with another truth bomb.
Birdshot vs. Buckshot (or: Do You Have a Box with a White Dude Trespassing On It?)
Chappelle doesn’t know what to buy. One box has ducks. The other has deer. He asks what the duck box is and the clerk says:
“Oh, that there’s birdshot… that won’t kill a man. It’ll just pepper him up nicely.”
To which Chappelle responds: “What the [ __ ]? Pepper?”
The other box? Buckshot.
“That’ll put a hole in a goddamn truck if you wanted to.”
Colion Noir cracks up—and also uses the moment to clarify something serious. Birdshot is for birds. Buckshot is for stopping threats. “Stopping a threat quickly is essential,” he says. “Buckshot… is specifically designed for stopping serious threats.”
Then Chappelle delivers one more punchline:
“Do you have a box with a picture of a white dude trespassing on it?”
Perfect.
You Don’t Have to Love Guns. But You Need to Understand Them.
Noir wraps up by driving home the message: You can hate guns and still realize they’re necessary. That’s exactly what Chappelle shows with this story.
As Noir puts it, “Dave Chappelle’s story might be wrapped in comedy, but beneath the humor is a universal truth about why the Second Amendment matters. Owning a firearm is about having choices. It’s about taking control of your safety rather than leaving it in someone else’s hands.”
That’s it. Simple. Real. No platitudes. Just truth, experience, and survival instinct.
Final Thoughts: Even Comedy Can Be a Weapon for Truth
Chappelle didn’t set out to write a pro-Second Amendment monologue. But what he delivered in that story—accidentally or not—was one of the clearest, funniest, and most honest cases for why the right to bear arms matters.
As Noir says: “Do you think this was a beautifully simplistic but humorous way of explaining why the Second Amendment is so important... or do you think I’m full of [ __ ]?”
Well, if you’re paying attention, you know the answer.
*** Buy and Sell on GunsAmerica! ***
is a seasoned outdoorsman, lifelong hunter, and the kind of guy who’d rather track whitetails than scroll social media. As an editor for GunsAmerica, he’s got a sharp eye for spotting both solid gear and bad gun laws. Whether he’s deep in the woods or deep in editorial deadlines, Larry brings a no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is approach to firearms, hunting, and the great American tradition of self-reliance. If there’s a hot debate on gun rights or the latest in hunting tech, you can bet Larry’s got an opinion—and it’s probably backed up with both facts and field experience.
Experience:
– Licensed Bowhunter, Hunter, and Trapper – Experienced in ethical hunting and wildlife conservation.
– Concealed Carry Permit Holder (NYS & AZ) – Trained and licensed to carry in multiple states.
– 2A Journalist – Covering firearms legislation, Second Amendment issues, and gun rights for over a decade.
– Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) – Certified to provide emergency medical care in the field.
– Field-Tested Gear Reviewer – Hands-on experience with firearms, optics, and hunting tech.
white guy trespassing ammo! rtflmao🤣
on a more sober note much of the first gun control was about preventing freed slaves from defending themselves against kkk dirtbags🤷
We always talk about the “right” to own/carry a gun. Maybe we should reconsider it as an obligation.
Abraham had armed men.
Israel left Egypt armed.
Jesus said buy a sword and confirmed that His disciples were armed.
Dave Chappelle is hilarious. Been a favorite comedian if mine since he was on comedy Central.
Excellent analysis of the Chappell humor!
As always powerful argument from Noir and Chappell. 2A is a tool. Prepare for the unexpected. We have fire extinguishers, we have smoke alarms, someone comes at you and your family sideways in the middle of the night at home? What are a the best tools to solve the problem? 2A
why is it that a white guy with a gun should be feared and a black guy with a gun is revered…….
I’m going to guess you’re white. See the different perspective?
since i currently identify as black i find your comment racist!
that should curdle your lefty brain.
Excellent comeback, Paul! That’s great!
Lol, if you’re black, I’m sure Dave had already traded you to the whites for jelly roll
Black and white people have statistical reasons to fear those in proximity to them. Which usually implies racially homogeneous crime. However while White people have cause to fear black criminals they have no historical basis to fear regular black folks…black people do not have this historical experience. They’ve been killed not just by regular whites, but whites in positions of authority to protect them. So there is a legit chasm of fear and distrust they have to bravely cross when dealing with us. ALOT of them do it despite that fear in the back of their mind. It took a long time to understand this.
well you don’t know if that black folk is bad until you are dead so i will err on the side of caution
When one was TRESPASSING, and the other was sitting on HIS own property minding his own business !
and i’m sure if the races were reversed the whitey home owner would be in jail if he reacted in any way
every block, house, bday, graduation, baby, music party/get together, mugging, car jacking, home invasion, and most rapes that has violence and murder is by the hands of blacks, but we are supposed to make excuses and support them while the majority is white and and disproportionate few that do commit crimes is put on the the rest of the whites and made over the top evil.
so wake the hell up and start looking around instead of relying on what people tell you to think!
Noir and Chapelle…..a great combo!